I love this post! I’d like to note that I thoroughly enjoy reading all of your articles and watching your YouTube videos. Long term YT follower since 2020 but rarely comment.
I’ll add some from my ‘rules for life’ - I always write handwritten cards and letters that are sealed with a wax seal or sticker. When I give little gifts to others, I’ll also write a little handwritten note on a small card. For example, I like to bake sourdough and give to my neighbours- I’ll wrap it up in beautiful decorative tissue paper, twine and a little note on a beautiful memo card. These small personal details take little effort but they make a difference and put a smile on someone’s face. Every Christmas, I send cards with a proper message reflecting on the year. There is nothing worse than a card that only has ‘to’ and ‘from’ added to the generic text in store purchased card.
Dear Nicolas…I love your Notes so much. After reading I cannot bear to delete them so please tell me that you have a book in the offing even if it’s a book just combining all of your Notes.
I never take my shoes off and I very seldom get sick. What germs are you afraid of? And as Nicolas said, just wash or vacuum your floor next day. You won’t die overnight!
Where I live, this isn't a rule for "inclement weather", it's a rule for November-April. Sidewalks will never be fully dry in winter and especially in spring with the snowmelt/slush/ice/salt
It makes you wonder if people wants their guests to take their shoes off so they don't have to clean their floors that often. I clean my floors regardless and would never ask my guests to take their shoes off. I think it's quite offensive to ask your guests who are all dressed up to do such a thing. I am sure the people that live in the royal palace are not expected to take their shoes off.
I think it depends on the climate. In Moscow the grit from the streets in winter sticks to the shoes. Flats are small with wooden floors and the grit would ruin them. They always have slippers for guest, or you can bring your own.
When I take flowers as a hostess gift, I also use vases I've acquired from resale shops! It's a wonderful touch and shows you actually put in extra effort for their enjoyment.
When I moved home a friend gave me flowers in a pop-up vase. It was great, since I did not have to find and unpack a vase, or acquire a vase I did not need or perhaps like.
I should have not called it a 'pop-up' vase, sorry for the confusion. While you can get paper cards with flowers inside, I meant a folding plastic vase that can hold real flowers. You can re-use them a few times, but of course they don't last as long as a real vase. But they are cheap and an easy way to give real flowers when a vase may be unavailable. Not endorsing this one, but giving this as an example; https://tinyurl.com/bdzy2n3x
I have a little behavior that has become a bit of a rule: when I see litter/trash while out walking/exercising, I pick it up and throw it out. I try to model kindness to the planet whenever possible-always use cloth napkins, limit plastic, put veggie scraps in a compost bucket. People do notice without me saying a word. Great article, Nicolas!
I love this! I'm in a litter collection group and we do this formally but I also pick up trash while my child plays on the playground. Amazing what a difference you can make in just 20 minutes.
I love all of these! #1 is an obsession - at home and at restaurants. Warm, mid-level lighting creates a much lovelier atmosphere.(& everyone looks better in it.) 3) I’d add a 3a. Graciously accept compliments given to you. I’d also add 16.) Greet people - I live a Paris and so appreciate the custom of greeting people in the apartment hallway, going in and out of stores, etc. It is so kind to acknowledge another’s presence. Even the children do it. When I go back to the US it is so jarring to me that people don’t.
I agree! In my family we call ourselves the Lamp people. We don’t hardly ever use overhead lights. Also, agree with the greetings in the US. I always try to greet someone I pass. Doesn’t always work. I notice this is a northern (Yankee) thing to not even look at people. Come to Texas (or the south). We’ll greet you. And if we don’t, they’re not a true southerner. Greetings from a Texan.
I used to live in Philly and I also recall the medical personnel being super nice. (This was the late 90s/early 2000s) And I still miss Wawa! Their turkey shorties got me through my MBA program.😉
Ha! We try not to eat Wawa's turkey bowls till late November, so as not to steal the thunder from Thanksgiving! Glad you have some goos memories of Philly!
I have found Americans in the northeast to be very friendly. I can't vouch for those of other regions.
At our local convenience store, called 'Wawa', there is an unwritten rule of holding the door for the next person and it never seems to fail, regardless of age or gender.
I worked in a hospital in the Philadelphia area and was with a patient. From their accent, I could tell that they were Southern. The gentleman asked me, " Do you all have to take a personality test to work here?". Dreading a bad complaint I asked what he meant. He explained that everyone from the first person they met when entering the hospital to the last, whether it was the cleaning lady or a surgeon was so NICE! No exceptions! I was relieved and so happy to hear it. But I challenged him because Southerners are known for their friendliness. He and his wife said no, maybe on the street, but in the hospital they are cold as ice. I took it at that..
I’m a huge believer in saying hello even when there’s a good chance that it will not be returned. One day I decided not to say hi to anyone in my large office. I wanted to see the people who would say hi to me first.
About the last one, Nicolas... My home is a shoes off home culturally. Twelve years ago I hosted a Champagne tasting with friends inviting friends new to me. I greeted a couple I did not know in the foyer and the lady wore simple blue denim jeans with a crisp white shirt and a showstopper bejeweled Christian Louboutin sandals. I noticed her disappointment in having to take her sandals off. I immediately declared, "Not with those shoes on". She's one of my closest friends now and she's since always taken her shoes off when in my home.
Nick, you must publish these rules!!!! I am sure the book would be a bestseller! This is something we need today and be reminded about! So many basic things have been forgotten! Life would be so much more delightful!
Spot on with all of these. No. 13 is like the Golden Rule of hospitality-make the stranger feel welcome, especially where everyone else at the gathering knows each other.
What a lovely read. And I completely agree with your rules for living. They are not unreasonable - and I was happy to realize I do most of them! I will be seeking out the new person at the next event and inviting them in. Usually I'M that person, so reaching out to someone else seems like the remedy for that.
My dearest Nicolas, such spot on rules for all of us to remember even at my age of 70+. Kindness and caring towards others should always be first most especially to ourselves. Well done and thank you. Sending smiles from across the pond.
One more ‘rule’ in addition to my previous comment.
When hosting at home- which I love, however small or large the group is, there’s always background music playing. So easy to find a good playlist to suit any mood on Spotify. This solves the issue of awkward silences and pressure to fill it with small talk!
#2!! Yes!! My mother instilled this into me & I have instilled this into my now-adult children! A host/hostess gift, food, a side dish, a bottle of booze, a box of chocolates, flowers etc. just never arrive at someone’s house empty handed. I have also instilled in my kids to always offer to help clean up & wash dishes. Other rules: always saying please & thank you. My husband has taken the garbage out twice a week for 40+ years now but I still always say thank you. Always say please and thank you, a pet peeve of mine when people don’t. Common courtesy. Well written as always, love all your rules and agree. Such a wise man wise beyond your years as I always say.
My stepdaughter has a habit I am trying very hard to break of either eating straight out of the (glass, not plastic) Tupperware - or if a large yogurt pot is close to empty, piling everything she wants to eat with the yogurt into it. She eats standing over the sink, sometimes with the torn foil of the yogurt pot getting in the way of her spoon. I ask her not to do this, to respect the food she is eating and to sit down and enjoy her meal properly. She thinks I am mad!
I love this post! I’d like to note that I thoroughly enjoy reading all of your articles and watching your YouTube videos. Long term YT follower since 2020 but rarely comment.
I’ll add some from my ‘rules for life’ - I always write handwritten cards and letters that are sealed with a wax seal or sticker. When I give little gifts to others, I’ll also write a little handwritten note on a small card. For example, I like to bake sourdough and give to my neighbours- I’ll wrap it up in beautiful decorative tissue paper, twine and a little note on a beautiful memo card. These small personal details take little effort but they make a difference and put a smile on someone’s face. Every Christmas, I send cards with a proper message reflecting on the year. There is nothing worse than a card that only has ‘to’ and ‘from’ added to the generic text in store purchased card.
Lovely! I would add that “thank you” texts and emails are OK but, a handwritten note is so much nicer (and thoughtful)!
I need new neighbours!
Me too! Gives me great joy!
That is lovely! Your friends and neighbors are blessed.
Thats lovely it’s uplighting like elevating life by thoughtful acts
Dear Nicolas…I love your Notes so much. After reading I cannot bear to delete them so please tell me that you have a book in the offing even if it’s a book just combining all of your Notes.
Yes! Agree!! Have been saying this too!
I came here to say this very thing. Please allow me to add my voice to yours! ^_^
Yes please, is there a book in the ‘offing?’
Totally agree with all of these - particularly the shoes off. I hate having to take my shoes off!!
It's a germ thing! Carrying all that into the house and on the floors, shoes off are a must!
I never take my shoes off and I very seldom get sick. What germs are you afraid of? And as Nicolas said, just wash or vacuum your floor next day. You won’t die overnight!
You can survive a bit of germs brought in when you host a party
If the weather is inclement, I usually put my party shoes in a shoe bag and change when I arrive at the party.
Where I live, this isn't a rule for "inclement weather", it's a rule for November-April. Sidewalks will never be fully dry in winter and especially in spring with the snowmelt/slush/ice/salt
Brilliant idea. If the weather is really bad, arrive in a wheelie bin liner and change when you get there! X
It makes you wonder if people wants their guests to take their shoes off so they don't have to clean their floors that often. I clean my floors regardless and would never ask my guests to take their shoes off. I think it's quite offensive to ask your guests who are all dressed up to do such a thing. I am sure the people that live in the royal palace are not expected to take their shoes off.
I think it depends on the climate. In Moscow the grit from the streets in winter sticks to the shoes. Flats are small with wooden floors and the grit would ruin them. They always have slippers for guest, or you can bring your own.
There are circumstances which calls for doing what you have to do in such a case since your floors would be ruined.
If you have been to enough of certain parties, you'd indeed know some dwellings have exceptional floors.
Ditto!
Please do not bring a hostess/host gift that creates work for them. Flowers are a lovely thought.
However, if I need to stop what I am doing, find a vase, cut the stems, arrange the flowers…while entertaining. Not the most thoughtful idea.
There are oodles of vases at charity shops.
Or bring food/drink expected to be served; unless requested.
Otherwise; I agree with all of your suggestions.
When I take flowers as a hostess gift, I also use vases I've acquired from resale shops! It's a wonderful touch and shows you actually put in extra effort for their enjoyment.
When I moved home a friend gave me flowers in a pop-up vase. It was great, since I did not have to find and unpack a vase, or acquire a vase I did not need or perhaps like.
I have never heard of a pop-up vase! Will now investigate!!
It's pretty much a card with paper flowers inside where you can write a message and sign your name.
I should have not called it a 'pop-up' vase, sorry for the confusion. While you can get paper cards with flowers inside, I meant a folding plastic vase that can hold real flowers. You can re-use them a few times, but of course they don't last as long as a real vase. But they are cheap and an easy way to give real flowers when a vase may be unavailable. Not endorsing this one, but giving this as an example; https://tinyurl.com/bdzy2n3x
How cool! I never knew about such vases. Unfortunately, cannot be delivered to USA.
I live in the U.S. Amazon sells them 😁
When I looked online it is are more likely to be called a plastic, foldable (or folding) vase.
Thank you. I couldn’t find it, was short on time to really search!
🩷
I think what would be a great gift that the hostess could have the morning after the party would be homemade jam with a loaf of some sort of bread....
I have done that for big parties, with fresh OJ. I drop it long before the party starts; they have time to tuck it away & know breakfast is sorted!
I have a little behavior that has become a bit of a rule: when I see litter/trash while out walking/exercising, I pick it up and throw it out. I try to model kindness to the planet whenever possible-always use cloth napkins, limit plastic, put veggie scraps in a compost bucket. People do notice without me saying a word. Great article, Nicolas!
Gloves, Stephanie... GLOVES!
I usually use a dog poop bag (Golden Retriever)!
I love this! I'm in a litter collection group and we do this formally but I also pick up trash while my child plays on the playground. Amazing what a difference you can make in just 20 minutes.
Exactly!
I love all of these! #1 is an obsession - at home and at restaurants. Warm, mid-level lighting creates a much lovelier atmosphere.(& everyone looks better in it.) 3) I’d add a 3a. Graciously accept compliments given to you. I’d also add 16.) Greet people - I live a Paris and so appreciate the custom of greeting people in the apartment hallway, going in and out of stores, etc. It is so kind to acknowledge another’s presence. Even the children do it. When I go back to the US it is so jarring to me that people don’t.
I agree! In my family we call ourselves the Lamp people. We don’t hardly ever use overhead lights. Also, agree with the greetings in the US. I always try to greet someone I pass. Doesn’t always work. I notice this is a northern (Yankee) thing to not even look at people. Come to Texas (or the south). We’ll greet you. And if we don’t, they’re not a true southerner. Greetings from a Texan.
I used to live in Philly and I also recall the medical personnel being super nice. (This was the late 90s/early 2000s) And I still miss Wawa! Their turkey shorties got me through my MBA program.😉
Ha! We try not to eat Wawa's turkey bowls till late November, so as not to steal the thunder from Thanksgiving! Glad you have some goos memories of Philly!
I have found Americans in the northeast to be very friendly. I can't vouch for those of other regions.
At our local convenience store, called 'Wawa', there is an unwritten rule of holding the door for the next person and it never seems to fail, regardless of age or gender.
I worked in a hospital in the Philadelphia area and was with a patient. From their accent, I could tell that they were Southern. The gentleman asked me, " Do you all have to take a personality test to work here?". Dreading a bad complaint I asked what he meant. He explained that everyone from the first person they met when entering the hospital to the last, whether it was the cleaning lady or a surgeon was so NICE! No exceptions! I was relieved and so happy to hear it. But I challenged him because Southerners are known for their friendliness. He and his wife said no, maybe on the street, but in the hospital they are cold as ice. I took it at that..
I’m a huge believer in saying hello even when there’s a good chance that it will not be returned. One day I decided not to say hi to anyone in my large office. I wanted to see the people who would say hi to me first.
That’s how you find the good people. 🩷
About the last one, Nicolas... My home is a shoes off home culturally. Twelve years ago I hosted a Champagne tasting with friends inviting friends new to me. I greeted a couple I did not know in the foyer and the lady wore simple blue denim jeans with a crisp white shirt and a showstopper bejeweled Christian Louboutin sandals. I noticed her disappointment in having to take her sandals off. I immediately declared, "Not with those shoes on". She's one of my closest friends now and she's since always taken her shoes off when in my home.
Exceptions allowed for Koreans!
Nick, you must publish these rules!!!! I am sure the book would be a bestseller! This is something we need today and be reminded about! So many basic things have been forgotten! Life would be so much more delightful!
Spot on with all of these. No. 13 is like the Golden Rule of hospitality-make the stranger feel welcome, especially where everyone else at the gathering knows each other.
“…make the stranger feel welcome”
…or risk the mighty wrath of Zeus
What a lovely read. And I completely agree with your rules for living. They are not unreasonable - and I was happy to realize I do most of them! I will be seeking out the new person at the next event and inviting them in. Usually I'M that person, so reaching out to someone else seems like the remedy for that.
At the very core of all of these lovely suggestions is thoughtfulness. Your kind elegance shines through once again❤️.
My dearest Nicolas, such spot on rules for all of us to remember even at my age of 70+. Kindness and caring towards others should always be first most especially to ourselves. Well done and thank you. Sending smiles from across the pond.
You lost me at never ask guests to take off their shoes. Sincerely, an Asian person
One more ‘rule’ in addition to my previous comment.
When hosting at home- which I love, however small or large the group is, there’s always background music playing. So easy to find a good playlist to suit any mood on Spotify. This solves the issue of awkward silences and pressure to fill it with small talk!
#2!! Yes!! My mother instilled this into me & I have instilled this into my now-adult children! A host/hostess gift, food, a side dish, a bottle of booze, a box of chocolates, flowers etc. just never arrive at someone’s house empty handed. I have also instilled in my kids to always offer to help clean up & wash dishes. Other rules: always saying please & thank you. My husband has taken the garbage out twice a week for 40+ years now but I still always say thank you. Always say please and thank you, a pet peeve of mine when people don’t. Common courtesy. Well written as always, love all your rules and agree. Such a wise man wise beyond your years as I always say.
My husband and I have been married for 54 years and he always thanks me for cooking dinner, every time.
No meal at my house is ever served on a paper plate. There are none in the house
My stepdaughter has a habit I am trying very hard to break of either eating straight out of the (glass, not plastic) Tupperware - or if a large yogurt pot is close to empty, piling everything she wants to eat with the yogurt into it. She eats standing over the sink, sometimes with the torn foil of the yogurt pot getting in the way of her spoon. I ask her not to do this, to respect the food she is eating and to sit down and enjoy her meal properly. She thinks I am mad!